So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
