Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
