He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They took my balls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
