I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
sex in a hospital.. check
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
