Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
