You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
