And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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