I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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