We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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