Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
