in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
