She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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