I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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