Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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