it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have feelings that need drinking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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