$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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