So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
