so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
