when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
