Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
