Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
