you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my shit smells like andre
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
