yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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