this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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