We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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