i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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