The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
