Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
