your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
