I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
