I wish I only lived at night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
