Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
