Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
