Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ok first of all what the fuck
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