you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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