oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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