I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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