You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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