an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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