I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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