ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
