he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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