You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
