every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
