My friends, they love my intelligence
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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