Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
