fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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