Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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