And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
