VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
