well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
