one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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