i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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