i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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