dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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