there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
