I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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