i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
