You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
