I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
