my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just crazy horny about you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
