I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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