Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
