I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
