let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
