thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
