I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
