my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
