When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
