He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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