Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
