I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
