What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize